Wow the proverbial time flies. 25 years in a blink. Ups, some downs, careers, two sons growing up to young men, 6 moves, 8 pets, and whole lotta of livin’ going on. These are the rules & agreements that my husband and I agreed to early in our marriage that became the foundation for what has become a blessed union. Looking forward to the next 25!
- Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. This was my husband’s rule as I could very easily fall asleep angry and sleep quite nicely. However, he was adamant. And if that meant I had to put toothpicks in my eyes to stay awake so we could resolve our argument until 3 am, then toothpicks it was. Fortunately as the years went by, there’s been very little need for this rule.
- One bank account – little did we know early on in our marriage that finances are one of the top reasons couples fight. We had little to no money when we graduated college, so putting it in one account seemed to make sense. We’ve always had a joint account. Our money is our money. We never did the his and her thing. I realize this goes smack against some financial advisors’ advice, but It works for us.
- Even if there’s just a minor, spat, never, ever leave the house angry. We could go to different rooms, but never leave the house. There was comfort in this rule.
- Marriage first, children second. We never let the children play us or at least we tried. We attempted to have a united front in front of our sons. Even if one of us disagreed with the other about some form of discipline or reprimand, we tried not to discuss that in front of the children. And we agreed on fundamental principles in how to raise our sons. That was important.
- Date night: We always had it and still do. We went on date nights at least once per month and we even took vacation without our sons when they were very little, even if just a long weekend. And while we’re somewhat on the topic, sex matters. My grandmother taught me that.
- Never run to mommy & daddy: Our marriage is our marriage. So we didn’t discuss marital issues, even if just minor pet peeves, with our parents. We would forget the discussion, but the parents don’t. I have to say my mother-n-law was amazing and never interfered in our marriage, as the stereotype goes. Our parents loved and respected both of us and once we were married they gained another child.
- Our faith sustains us: Our faith wasn’t a strong part of the first part of our marriage. Sure we got our sons baptized and we did some obligatory things, but it wasn’t until we made our faith the foundation of all decisions we made, that we saw that this was the cement that sustained us and continues to. Looking back I can see a clear difference in our marriage, PC and AC, pre Christ and after Christ.
Lord willing our marriage will continue. I thought I’d share my thoughts because being married to your best friend is truly a bless-ed thing.
Hawaii here we come!